I've been posting about body image since I began this blog because it's something I struggle with daily. Most articles and blog posts I've shared have been about how belly dance helps your body image and boost self-confidence. Until this one... Belly Dance and Body Image: A Personal Journey. The writer does tell of the positive affects belly dance has on body image, but she also mentions something else that I fear many are too scared to admit.
The internet is wonderful. We can find videos, articles, pictures and connect with dancers across the world. It also allows us to see what we are not. I'll be the first to admit it: when I see a thinner, more toned, flexible beauty doing amazing backbends and turning 100 times ... I take a knock to the self-esteem. There are thousands of dancers who fit this description so basically every time I see a video I am reminded that I'm not them. They look "perfect" (no one is perfect) and I look very flawed. With all the bombardment from the media as to "what we should look like", seeing these ideals portrayed in belly dance does add to the issue. Thoughts of not being good enough or not looking right start creeping in.
Before you all start commenting - I'm not saying that these stunning dancers should change. No, they themselves are not the problem. It's the societal ideas of beauty and worth that are to blame.
This is in part why I'm putting myself out there now. Not because I think I'm the best dancer or the most knowledgable, but because I'm just me. I struggle with my weight, have awful skin that breaks out with the slightest change in anything, cellulite and stretch marks, I make mistakes and say stupid things. I'm insecure, shy and anxious, but I still get out there, put myself in situations that make me uncomfortable and endeavour to become more confident and self-assured. It's kind of like facing your phobia straight on.
If I can inspire a few people like me to start the journey to healing, improving body and self image through dance and shaking off their fears, then I'm happy. I am still scared that I'll be judged negatively and people will wonder who do I think I am writing a blog, dancing, trying to get in the "in crowd". I'm just me and that is good enough. I'm always improving and working hard, and that's what counts.