Competitions Aren't For Me, But I'm Doing One This Weekend

by Jessica Perelson

I don't do competitions, but I'm doing one this weekend. This seems a bit contradictory so let me explain.

I did competitions when I did ballet many years ago. I was about 8 when I did my first one and 16 when I did my last. Every time I didn't get a gold, I felt awful. I felt like giving up. I danced, was judged and found lacking. All my hard work was for naught in my mind. I became fearful of judgement.

My experience with ballet competitions has made me not like competitions. I'm not belly dancing to be judged. I'm dancing for my passion and to share my passion. I can do that without going to competitions and losing. You see, I will lose. It doesn't matter what I get, it won't be good enough. I don't want to deal with disappointing myself.

I was speaking with a fellow belly dancer and asked her why she hasn't entered many competitions. Her reply was simple: she doesn't enter a competition unless she knows she will win it. I do not have that confidence in my abilities, but I do understand her logic. I don't want to enter a competition that I know I have no chance of winning. Not winning sucks. My anxious self fears the judgement, not only from the judging panel, but from my peers as well (does she really think she could win this?).

However, on Saturday Mel and myself are dancing in a competition. We are doing a drum duet and then a solo each. We are the only bellydancers in the whole competition so will be competing against other dance genres. There are also no belly dancers on the judging panel.

So why am I doing this?

  • It's a way of educating my little city as to what belly dancing is and hows it's not "like stripping". One of my roles is that of an educator. If I can show people what belly dancing is then perhaps they will give it a try. There's a little bit of marketing strategy in there too.

  • I'm vetting the competition for my students who wish to enter competitions. A few years ago, my late teacher's troupe danced in another dance competition (I was pregnant at the time). They did really well, but it wasn't the right place for belly dance. This is the first year for this competition so we will be taking a look behind the scenes, on the stage and from the audience.

  • Perhaps doing something small, outside of the belly dance community will help me get over my fear of judgement. I'm not going to be entering Miss Belly Dance SA 2017, but perhaps I'll gain some confidence and enter a duet with Mel in a real belly dance competition at some point in time.

Whatever happens this weekend, I'm sure I'll be the stronger for it. Not everyone wants to do competitions and that's okay. I'd rather just perform, teach and take lessons. There's nothing wrong with competitions, they just aren't for me.